Layers

She sat there and told me I was complex. It was not meant to hurt, but to give insight. She wanted me to see me as others do, and I think for the first time in my life, I understand. I understand why I attract those that I do. She used the word "Layers."
My first layer is strong, unapproachable. He is like the giant redwood, "Do not mess with this man." That's what it puts out, and only the daring, try.
My second layer is, he has a sense of humour, a softer side. He can joke, and laugh.
My third layer, a temper that defines fear. Those caught on the wrong end retreat as far back as they can. There is no depth to the anger that is un controlled.
This was her first three, and then there are many more, and so it goes, but for the sake of brevity and the fact no one will read this, I will stop here, and perhaps post this on a more popular website.

Missing someone

She loves you. She adores you. She is always in your face. And...it scares you. You feel in control. You feel safe. You feel adored, and...she stops, just like that. No warning, no cushion, no regards. You stop, and see if you aren't dreaming. You pinch yourself to check your reaction.You realize she's gone, and you miss her more and more each moment, each hour, each day, each week, each month, and so on. You see an eternity without her, and you tremble because she is the one for you, and you KNOW it. As hard as it is to put falling leaves back on trees, it is just as hard to go back to where it once was. All you can do is miss her over and over again, night after long night.

Someone close to me.........

Is a very good writer and has a blog on the internet. She also works for a magazine. The more I read her blog I am usually fascinated by her words and how she uses them to aptly describe usual situations and make them jump at you to form stories which stay with you. The only other writer whom did that to me was Mike Royko, a famous newspaper columnist from Chicago.Sometimes reading through her blog, I would get jealous. I've wanted her to write about me, and the horrible injustices that have haunted my life. Food for fodder I always thought, but she never cared nor dare to write about anything in my life, and there were many gross wrongs done. So when she did choose to write about me, she did what so many others have. She judged me based on surface remarks, and how they penetrated her being. She wrote how insensitive I was . She basically tried to know me in a matter of a few words instead of taking any depth of time to truly get to know me. A good writer I do know gets to know their subject matter thoroughly before the story is told to all who will listen. I'm sorry My words offended her but all I can really say is GROW UP .If you choose to write on a public forumn then grow thicker skin, otherwise keep your thoughts in a personal diary.

Love.....................................

is all consuming and absorbs all your thoughts and actions. When we are in love with someone all objects can become intant gifts. We want to please that special person and we want to make them smile. If we are physically able to love that one, the stars can truly explode. However, with love, there are degrees. Love #1 being the lowest, and love #10, the greatest.Most people fall in love between 2 and 5.And as time ravages on , the # falls. If you are lucky enough to be in the upper area(somewhere between 7 and 10)You my friend are addicted to that person. In fact you might as well have "slave' tattooted on your forehead. When you reach that highest #, you have found the perfect match, The one whom invaded your dreams as you slept. The #10 is your air that makes you breathe, and it does not fade, but gathers more force and de3pth as time goes on. Is it scary? Yes , but it is worth the price, and thus the phrase was borne" It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all"...........................

it was all a misunderstanding.

When I was in 7th grade, I was going out (actually just talking on the phone) with an 8th grader, Alba Palmisano.Everytime I called her, she would answer the phone and the song"ferry cross the mersey" would be playing in the background.It was such a good relationship I thought and I was always excited to get home. Being the stupid kid I was , one day as a joke I told her it was over and that I didn't like her anymore, and before I could tell her I was kidding, she cried and got extremely upset and hung up the phone on me. She did not answer the dozens of calls that followed. She did not answer and future calls I made to her in the days that followed. She did not even look my way at school. My prank ended the relationship. I guess some things are just not meant to be.

Music makes the world ...................

go round, or so its been said.When we're in a mood, music helps.When we're happy ,music seems the right appetizer. In our most depressed times, music can understand us. Did you ever think about the writers of some of those songs and the state they must of been in to create those musical gems that befriend us in times of need?Poor pathetic feelings of despair with no where to go but on paper.And from there ,they stand naked for the world to judge them and use them and discard them when their usefullness has gone.Oh those sad clinging melodies heard and sung by so many and then allowed to drift away. Music is like death in that without it , there would be no life.As one song dies, another is born and the cycle goes on.

A BLACK HEART........

is as deep and endless as the black hole. It consumes and eats everything that comes in contact with it. It is truly the rare person who has this black heart . Most of them sit in prisons or are dead because a black heart usually does not attract any good . The person who is completely selfish has this black heart. It is really easy to spot, and rarely do these people change or even want to.I have a friend whose wife has this black heart. Everything must revolve around her , so much so that she fakes illnesses to keep the limelight on her.She has had children whom are older now but their lives seem a mess. I find it hard she could raise children, but I'm sure it was hell for her husband, my friend.He is the opposite. A truly giving person and he found something he truly enjoyed. Not another woman, but performing music. He enjoyed singing and learning to play a musical instrument late in his life. SHE couldn't stand it! It was through me that he was able to find this fufillment.The only problem was to work with him, I had to incorporate her into the band. To ensure his dream, I put up with her. You could sense that although she also enjoyed performing, she could not stand the thought of something else being stronger in her husband's life. So they fought , often, in private. She wanted out, he would do everything to keep her happy so he could continue performing. I made many concessions to keep him in, though I hated her for doing this to him.He gained strenght and at one point he stood up to her, and she began wilting like a flower deprived of water and sun.She didn't know what to do , and her power over him was draining.She pulled the ultimate selfish act, SHE CAME TO ME. She knew I was fair, and she unburdened herself to me. I talked to my friend and told him he shoild quit because, she was his wife. The words tasted bitter as they left my mouth but I knew it was the right thing to do , and she knew I would do the right thing. .....................I saw him the other day whining like a wounded puppy how much he missed performing. I smiled with him, but inside I shouted at him to be a man and put her in her place! HE never heard me and our lives went back as if nothing ever changed. He, to his world, and me to mine